I Woke Up Sleeping

I am a speech impediment

I communicate clearly with the darkness

Enunciating perfectly

Articulating words and concepts

My lisp fizzles and I speak in Technicolor

Happiness whispers in my direction and I hesitate

Sounds like social media abbreviations I am forced to look up

While smh, I smile and think, “idk, wtf”

My anxiety is in high gear, so I take another pill

Birthday cards make me cry

I put them in the bottom drawer

I’ve re-read your parting note and admire the sentence-structure

I remember the day you died, but not your wedding

My typewriter hesitates as I think of words and concepts

That read like people scream

On the keyboard I type “JOY” (in all capital letters)

And look at the empty page that fails to understand it

A multi-colored party invitation arrives

And a paper bag as I hyperventilate insecurities

A funeral announcement and I RSVP within the hour

I own more black suits than beach-ready swim trunks

I’m Ikea furniture without assembly directions

My mouth is dry and I cannot swallow

I’m the voiceless spider being washed down the plughole

But I cannot find the words

I want to be glitter

I want to be laughter

I want to be the last thought on your mind before you sleep

I want to be what I don’t understand

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