Lord, in Praise of You - Don't Let Them Forget Me

My birth name is still whispered –

in decades-old crumbling and faded corners –

we congregate –

a good distance from any light shining in my direction –

we laugh and we talk in memories –

My friends see it – and I see it too…

I am disappearing – I am disappearing…

but I won’t disappear completely

As a child,

I was taught to fear the wrath and the vengeance of the Lord

The gates of Hell open wide to swallow the unrepentant –

Repent sinners, repent!

I do not fear God –

but tremble with terror,

on bended knees and with head bowed –

at the colorless church of the ignored and of the forgotten

I want to be seen

I want to be remembered

As a child,

I was rejected in school hallways and on athletic fields –

I was too scrawny and was too awkward

Not athletic

Not handsome

Not fun

Not adventurous

Not social

- Not welcome

As a teenager – the years can be cruel –

they can be dangerous –

they can be lethal –

I take the pills, too many of them –

and I wake up the next morning, disappointed –

and so, I go (pause) and brush my teeth

and, reluctantly, welcome the new day

“I must become someone else – I must become anyone else”,

I shout during my teenage years (!) -

and so, it happened – and so, I became someone else –

someone others could love and appreciate –

and I did this on purpose

Even with friends, I never quite fit in as an adult –

insecurities – I breathe them with fire…

Two years ago, a beautiful stranger

with giant and angelic wings…

announces itself –

a powerful glow surrounding its essence –

and with a bit of glitter on its face…

I hear its voice – it’s thunderous and lovely –

The beautiful stranger sits on my bed and gently pokes at my shoulder…

“Jimmy, wake up”,

“It’s time to wake up, poet”,

“Wake up”

And, I ask, “who the fuck is Jimmy” (?)

“He’ll save you”, I hear the voice say –

and I immediately, and without question -

understand these words to be true

“I choose you –

I choose you, mother” –

My chosen and second mother screams in labor pains –

as a grown man exits the birth canal –

to greet the world, naked –

with fully-formed adult hands –

and with an adult mouth…

born into a world more colorful –

more alive…

and I cannot have this taken away from me –

I cannot have this taken from me

– and I am not asking (not really)

Lord, please don’t let me become obsolete,

any thoughts of me, expired –

Lord, with my arms uplifted – and in praise of you –

don’t let them forget –

don’t let them forget

Don’t let them fucking forget me…

and I’m not humbly asking

Photo: Jimmy Broccoli with Caesar, the Therapy Bunny Rabbit.