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  • Jimmy Broccoli

My Apologies to the Lizard

I, reluctantly, sprinkle lethal crystals or pellets as death sentences for the unwanted to later find –

I sprinkle them onto the floor – along the baseboards…

Creatures that crawl, crawl upon the floor – into my apartment – and they cannot smell the poisons awaiting them –

and I very much wish they did – I wish they could smell the poison – so they’d turn away – and live – and not die – and not die because of me


My efforts were ineffective. So, I call in the expert…

The Orkin man visits my home and I welcome him –

He has a canister that rides upon his back – with a long tube that distributes the poisons –

Spray, spray – and they die – spray, spray, and more die following

He smiles – he’s a nice guy and he’s providing a service that makes it possible for his family to eat

“It’s there”, I tell him, while pointing at the small crack in the flooring that leads to the outside wilds beyond my apartment. “That’s where they come in”.

He nods his head intelligently. He is the professor of execution - a promiser of a pest-free existence (and I cannot help but appreciate him and hate what is happening) –

He shakes my hand and I shake his in return, with a manly grip –

No more creatures smaller than I am –

creatures without a visitors pass or my permission to enter –

I am god, judge most high and a disappointing and ineffective savior for bugs and insects – and I very much do not appreciate these roles


Hours later, there is a lizard on my bedroom floor. And he is not moving

Lizard - I wasn’t trying to kill you – I promise – I was trying to kill something else –

Roaches and mice (not the cute ones at the pet store – the diseased ones that run in the walls) and little bugs that crawl on the floor and in the windows by the dozens – gnats? tics? – I don’t know what they are.

Why did you have to enter my apartment?

The Lizard is dead – Lizard, you are dead

You’re on my bedroom floor –

And I’m using a tissue to pick up your limp body – and I am so sorry -

My apologies.

I know it’s not fair – I wasn’t trying to kill you –

Why did you have to enter my apartment on such a lethal day?


My apologies to the Lizard

Photo: Jimmy Broccoli

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