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  • Jimmy Broccoli

My Best Friend Is a Pair of Gym Shorts

I wake to darkness – before the sun caresses the lowlands with its gentle and virginal light -

Before the slumbering earth and air are interrupted by the brilliant colors of the dawn

Soon the sunrays will beam down –

boldly shortening the shadows that will soon surrender –

Welcoming the arrival of the almighty Ra


I wake to darkness – not long before the birds in the treetops outside of my bedroom window begin their morning birdsong –

Oh how sweet their birdsong!

It always begins with the hesitant chirping of a few early risers

– then soon –

A magnificent cacophony of high and low tones will fill the crisp air triumphantly

- the birds, they seem to have so much to say!


I wake to darkness because I am sober now

No drugs – no alcohol – no more urinating on public buildings …


I don’t know how to do this

and I’ve learned it is mentally exhausting having hope



I’m certain my apartment neighbors (on all sides) love hearing the sound of my blender at 4:30 am

Frozen fruit, 7 powdered (carefully measured) supplements, an apple, almond milk, cinnamon, and spinach –

My blender whirls and grinds and demolishes and pulverizes –

then it’s time for the first 14 of 28 (for the day) capsules of supplements –

Every drop I drink – every crumb I consume –

it’s perfectly planned and measured and scientifically proven to …


I decide to drink a zero-calorie Pepsi because I’m feeling rebellious this morning

(Watch out world as I throw caution to the wind!)



The gym at 6:00 am is a train-wreck of sounds


Former drug addicts and junkies use the lightest weights on the dumbbell rack

I watch my struggling arms in the floor-to-ceiling mirror

-as I celebrate being able to curl 30 lbs. [fucking 30 pounds!]

“Motherfuck Yeah”, I say aloud – like the other former drug addicts and junkies say aloud

[there aren’t really any other former drug addicts or junkies here –

I imagine them so I don’t feel so alone]

I drink my water out of my eco-friendly and highly recommended metal-lined water bottle –

It has a sippy hole at the top like a baby’s first cup –

So when they knock it the fuck over, the liquid doesn’t spill out


I don’t spill my water



“It’s Jimmy Broccoli – ladies and gentlemen!” – the loudspeaker announces obstreperously -

“Bodybuilding poet!”

… The audience is suddenly hushed and then applauds thunderously –

“Ladies & Gentlemen - he’s not on drugs – he’s not drinking alcohol – and he’s not urinating on the side of public buildings – it’s Jimmy Broccoli – model citizen and role-model!”

[thunderous applause begin again]


I take a bow and thank all of those who made this possible …


My dreams are a bit better nowadays,

as my sleep has become exceptional

I lay in my perfect bed (it’s one of the highest rated in the world)

And put my perfect down-alternative comforter (it’s lovely) over my appropriately exhausted body


I tape my mouth shut with designer tape

I then roll over and embrace my pillow while in my perfect bed

I have the entire bed to myself – so I have plenty of room!



“Hallelujah and rejoice!”

The birdsong is only minutes away (it really is quite beautiful)

The darkness is retreating – allowing the piercing light to shine upon the earth it is a bright new day –

Let us rejoice and be glad in it!


35 supplements and 3 liters of water

Two carefully planned meals with the exact number of calories allowed

… a blender whirling at 4:30 am


I leave my apartment with a smile big - triumphant and accomplished

(I am doing shit that’s good for me – I am winning!)

I playfully anticipate (it’s super fun!) the fantastic opportunities the day will bring me –

“I will curl 40 lbs. today!” (AMBITION and GOALS!),

I confidently and proudly tell myself – and I say it aloud


Protein powder, fiber powder, and 5 calorie diet fruit juice –

Perfectly measured and scientifically proven to …



The red curtain closes and covers the movie screen –

So others can no longer see what is going on –

So others can no longer see what is happening


The picture continues to play – it’s just out of view

the crowd has left their seats and have left the theatre


I open up a zero-calorie Pepsi and sip it because I am feeling rebellious

Then I exhale and give my constant perfectly erect posture a fucking break



Then, I am at the gym again (it is where I am every morning)

I am a bodybuilding poet (haven’t you heard?)



… and I’ve never felt so lonely.

this is a loneliness like I’ve not felt before.

I am so fucking lonely …


And – I think I might have just said these words out loud

(and I’m almost certain I just said them loudly)


To a room full of people who are not listening

Photo: Jimmy Broccoli with his Little Broccoli Buddy - very kindly sent to Jimmy by fellow poet and friend, Wendy Cartwright.

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