This is the Reason Birds Sing (1994) - The Year I Cut My Wrists Open

He said “goodbye” (and I loved him) – and I fully understand this word…

My family’s house is tidy – not cluttery or unclean –

When the world and life is out of control –

I get out the Windex, the scrubbing bubbles, the mop, and the motherfucking broom –

I scrub and scrub while listening to the Cranberries or to Ministry

and forgive myself for not being an emotionally stronger person

The airplanes and the bombers and the bombs –

They are on their way –

Flying through the otherwise empty and quiet sky

The high-altitude airy blue begins to weep –

causing reluctant and sorrowful rain to fall upon the land –

it knows what is coming…

“The bombs are away”, says the bomber into his two-way radio –

they fall heavy and indelicately towards the ground beneath –

nobody and nothing look towards the sky unless expecting something –

the animals do not scamper away, the insects do not burrow beneath –

the humans do not call 911 in a panic –

and why should they (?) – I am the target –

shop as usual, love as usual, go to work as usual…

the bombs are away

They fall – and they hit – and they detonate successfully –

I am watching old Bugs Bunny cartoons and crying – usually the classic episodes make me feel less like shit

but – they aren’t enough

I hear the impact of the bombs (in real time) and observe no more –

I observe no more as the newly colored knife blade falls to the floor in defeat –

It falls not in slow-motion, as happens in the movies and on TV –

it plops – almost without a sound, without care, against the carpet

– even if there is no one to hear it –

and I, soon, will no longer be breathing

Danger, danger Will Robinson

My parents are in the living room watching “Friends” (I’m quite certain) –

my father’s laughter is the last sound I remember hearing –

my father has a good laugh –

my mother loves her crocheting, benzodiazepines and bon-bons –

she sits next to my father on the couch tolerating the canned-laughter on the television –

and wishes she was elsewhere

The evening whispers gently to those who are listening –

and the birds chirp for no other purpose than to mourn the suffering –

to mourn the dead and the soon to be departed

- they chirp for those who will not make it ‘til tomorrow –

this is the reason birds sing…

this is the reason birds sing –

this is the only fucking reason birds sing

Photo: Jimmy Broccoli.