BOOKS

As a young boy, I had very little interest in pursuits that might lead to academic success – and had no plans for the future. I lived in a lower-middle-class neighborhood with parents who did their best and worked long hours to ensure there was a roof over our heads and a meal on the table at least twice a day. My father taught me about hard work and my mother taught me about obedience – I had no interest in either. For years – including for decades into my adult life, my parents had little to no expectations I would be successful at anything. Since age 11, they kept money aside – it was set aside to pay for my bail. Yes – the expectation was I would be arrested at an early age – and my parents wanted to keep me out of jail if they could.

 

My teachers were good-natured and kind and frequently remained after school to help me from failing their classes. After a few years of showing little progress, it was recommended I join the classes for students who weren’t academically at the same level as the other children their age. My parents said no (a decision I will forever be grateful for) and I remained with my elementary classes. I would come close to failing for a few more years – then, something changed.

 

I was, by nature, a rebellious boy. At 12 years old I was sent to an Assembly of God private school – it was very strict and the cruel and horrible people who ran the school and who taught there helped me decide to throw my religious beliefs and convictions into the nearest river – and I watched them quickly drown. It wouldn’t be until two more years later until I discovered philosophy and began studying rational thinking.

 

During my 14th year, I was a slow reader and hated books. Good friends – and a very special and wonderful teacher – introduced me to subjects I didn’t know existed. The teacher – knowing I was a slow reader with lower-than-average grades, recommended I read “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” by Friedrich Nietzsche. Nietzsche’s ideas exploded in my mind, and it is, until this day, my favorite book. I had to look up many words and discussed the concepts within the book with two neighbor boys who were a few years older than me. I NEEDED to understand everything within its pages – and I worked until I did. My grades at school didn’t improve because I refused to read the material assigned and read whatever I chose to read. Next to nobody thought I’d make it through high school – and nobody thought I’d ever graduate – except for one teacher – he knew it with clarity.

 

The following year I discovered the punk lifestyle and punk music and was reading for pleasure almost daily. I devoured the early works of Stephen King, began learning about rational thinking and reason, and continued to read the works of modern philosophers. During a late-night party with several friends, my best friend turned to me and asked, “why do you want people to think you’re stupid – you act like you’re stupid – why do you do that?” I replied, “Smart people aren’t punk”.

 

During my senior year in high school, I was suspended for two weeks for threatening the well-being of another student. By near the end of my final semester, my grades were Ds and Fs, and my academic advisor (the football couch) told my father I would not graduate. I will never know the magic that must have come out of my father’s mouth during that meeting because I was not expelled, and I did not fail out of high school. A month later I walked across the auditorium stage (with blue hair and ripped jeans) and graduated with the lowest GPA of my graduating class.

 

After failing out of college for the next few years, I attempted university again. I discovered modern poetry, continued my studies in philosophy, and took every logic class offered – in these three subjects, I received nothing but perfect scores from my teachers. I joined the college debate team and frequently participated in religious, philosophical, and practical debate. For the first time, I had a powerful voice – even if it was only being heard by a select few. It’s during these years I gained confidence in my intellectual abilities – while maintaining much of my rebellious and punk understandings and viewpoints of life.

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This collection of poems is titled, “Failure” because that is how people (even those who loved me) viewed me. At any time during my first 30 years, it would have been hysterical to think I would earn two Master’s Degrees with high honors and graduate second in my class for both programs – it would have been amusing to think I’d one day manage the busiest library in the state of Georgia – people would not have thought it possible for me to be a poet and release my collections of poems – and for people to enjoy them.

 

The expectation was I would be in prison or be dead at an early age – and I was okay with this – until one day I wasn’t okay with it – and I changed things.

 

“Failure” is for everyone who has heard this word said to them. “Failure” is for everyone who has used this word to refer to themselves.

 

 

This book is dedicated to everyone who has failed – and has (somehow) not given up.