A Shampoo Bottle - A Motherfucking Shampoo Bottle

You died – my friend, you died – and (on that day), I died too –

But I still breathe, and walk, and talk to others –

and still frequently cry, and wail, and flail around my apartment in grief –

uncontrollable, unrestrained, and unfiltered grief

I threw many things away because these items reminded me of you –

They reminded me how much I loved you

I (literally) threw the fucking toaster (you made waffles every Sunday) out the kitchen window in anger –

it unceremoniously dented at the foot of the tree below –

With disorderly violence, I shattered all of our dishes and later paid a house cleaner to clean up the mess –

I gave away the furniture and the artwork - two truckloads to charity

Everything beautiful that was you – spread across the city –

sitting in other people’s homes – and on their decorative walls - being enjoyed by them –

if only they knew – if only they understood how special you were –

they’d cover their new (and gently used) items with gold

I’ve painted over hundreds of happy memories of us – they made me sad when I thought about them

- so their brilliant reds and celebration metallic blues are now covered over with minimalistic beiges and empty shades of off-whites

I’ve thrown away all of your movies – all of your DVDs – because they remind me of our late-night laughter

– laughter I haven’t been able to rediscover since you left –

I would have burned them, but burning plastic smells like death –

so many things smell like death,

so I burn incense and wear a bit too much cologne when I go out of my apartment

Then, this morning – this fucking morning – I’m standing in the shower –

and my 1 Liter bottle of Paul Mitchell shampoo stares at me –

as it does every fucking morning – and has since before you left…

A shampoo bottle – a motherfucking shampoo bottle –

It is the only thing that remains from when you were alive

The bottle is running low – another month, tops – and it will be empty –

and I don’t know what I’m going to do about that –

I don’t know what I’m going to fucking do about that…

A shampoo bottle – a motherfucking shampoo bottle