The bird falls from the window – it hits hard in flight –
it didn’t see the glass –
so, it falls upon the ground – I see it confused and flailing and know there is nothing I can do
– it twitches (in pain and surprise) – and then twitches less – and then twitches no more –
just because something is clear doesn’t mean it will be seen
Sometimes life is a fucking horror movie –
and sometimes you will hit the motherfucking window –
none of us should think we are any better or different –
or more special than a bird
Ya ain’t – and neither is I
The violinist plays a solo in the open-air park
- it is involved and sad –
and I want to step out of my seat and fucking go home –
The overwhelming sadness embraces the evening –
- it covers it like a symphonic blanket – one that suffocates -
and I just fucking can’t –
Did I not work hard for years to leave this place?
The violinist plays – and I want to fucking strangle her and destroy her instrument –
shut up, shut up, just shut the fuck up –
just fucking stop playing already –
It’s near end-of-season (summer is wilting) –
and the landscapers get rid of what has prospered before…
The somewhat still vibrant black-eyed-susans, the zinnias, the canna lilies –
a graveyard of what will become a memory –
a graveyard of what is no longer allowed –
Welcome the new generation – as the plow plows over –
The irrelevant are crushed as the new generation sprouts life
Le roi est mort, longue vie au roi*
and the new colors are no more brilliant than those of summer
The angelic light beaming through the window visually captures the droplets of water that cling to my body as I exit the shower –
I see the glimpses briefly - like shimmering or disco-ball confetti – but only briefly –
I pull on outer shorts over a dick and balls too large and awkward to peacefully step aside to allow me to dress easily –
I became a man too early and too young in life
The door is unlocked – lock it – lock it –
don’t remember – this is or isn’t therapy – protect yourself –
monsters are suffocating – let them be – let them suffocate
let the medications set in – for you to no longer remember –
it’s the only way to erase the razor blades and the knives too sharp and dangerous –
breathe – and fucking forget –
Stop – just breathe – allow yourself to forget –
You are in a bathtub of water with bubbles (if you prefer) –
Forget...
it’s Saturday night and you (are alone) stare at your computer screen (as always) –
what does this mean?
and you know what it does
I stare at my reflection in the bedroom full-length mirror –
I model for myself in my new trunk underwear –
they’re blue – medium blue –
and I take photos (of myself) –
my loneliness weeps for another –
though I will not tell you his or her name
_____
The bird falls from the window –
after it hits the glass it could not see
The glass it could not see
the glass it could not see
The bird hits the glass it could not see
And I know what this means…
and I wish I fucking didn’t
______________
* The King is dead, long live the King.
Photo: Jimmy Broccoli.
