“Red is too simple a word – it is too common to be used for such an occasion!
Instead – I pronounce you scarlet – no, I pronounce you crimson –
You are merlot or a well-aged blackberry cabernet –
with hints of black pepper, tobacco, and darkly-colored licorice –
You are the blood orange squeezing gently from underneath my skin,
escaping my wrists delicately –
so lovely and so mesmerizing –
A sanguine orchestra plays merrily as I begin to feel lightheaded …
____
The sunlight shines brightly through the early morning windows of my bedroom –
Burgundy dampness settles alongside mostly dried magenta –
violating 400 thread count manufacturer intended white –
My sheets are a Picasso – or, perhaps, more accurately –
an unusually uncolorful Jackson Pollock –
I feel drained and defeated –
The circus ended – it packed up and it did not take me with it –
I sit up and then I sit upon the edge of my bed,
my feet and legs dangling towards the wooden floor beneath
I tell myself it is okay –
“It’s okay,” I tell myself
Next time I will succeed –
next time I will do it exceptionally well
____
If not mistaken – one will make you larger – and another one will make you small …
Mother’s drug cabinet is locked, except when mother forgets to lock it –
and the hookah-smoking caterpillar has given me the call …
I hear the pills calling – they are calling my name –
I wish to dance with the gleeful forest animals amongst the enchanting and magical flora -
I will go ask Alice, but I will not wait for her reply –
I’ve always dreamed of being ten feet tall –
and then falling, falling, falling …
like the Jolly Green Giant – falling hard upon the leaf-covered forest floor –
and not rising again – not rising again –
[after dancing with my playful forest animal friends]
to slumber in Fairyland forever –
… the White Rabbit checks his watch and it is time …
____
I wake up – initially, a bit confused –
and do not feel ten feet tall –
The pink, the orange, the green and the white goodnights from the night before …
Fee-fi-fo-fum –
I’m lying on the linoleum floor of my bathroom, surrounded by vomit –
I can even see some of the pills (still in whole pill form) within the vomit –
The scene is not Michelangelo or a Mona Lisa –
It’s Francisco Goya all over the floor, all over the toilet (and the seat) –
with a few of his smaller paintings painted upon the wall …
I stand up – slowly [because that is the only way I am able to stand up] –
“it is okay”, I say – and then I say it to myself again
Eventually – I will do it exceptionally well …
____
Office Depot rope in a knot not tight enough to strangle permanently …
it’s not ideal – and it is not what I was hoping for
- my dangling male and masculine thin body thrashes against the air –
[it might appear to an uninformed onlooker as if I’m dancing]
spastic feet and legs and arms flailing without pattern or a secondary plan –
[I see the sun upon the horizon – it is rising, it is rising –
and IT IS BRILLIANT – It is more beautiful than I had ever imagined!
Let the sunshine! – let the sunshine! – let the sunshine in!] …
Then, my boy-scout knots fail and I fall clumsily and hard onto the metal chair beneath –
It clanks as it falls against the kitchen linoleum –
as I tumble ungraciously onto the floor
It’s not today [I try not to lose my optimism] – but,
Eventually – I will do it exceptionally well …
____
Do you know what it feels like to be hit by and then be run over by a train (?)
… Give me 54 seconds and I will describe it to you –
Give me 51 seconds – and I will describe it to you …
the train continues fast down the track – it’s breaks and conductor do not anticipate me …
I do not close my eyes, as those in the movies do –
I do not blink [I want to capture all of it!] as the cowcatcher and the ditch lights rush to greet me –
As they rush to embrace me –
The air horn sounds – it welcomes me! It beckons me!
The air horn sounds again –
and I throw my arms up into the air wildly in celebration
Multicolored confetti falls upon the scene [I can see it falling] –
The party horns sound a third time as the train speeds closer –
Pour the campaign! It is almost midnight!
It has been years since I smiled –
since I’ve smiled a genuine smile
- and I am smiling now …
“it feels like” …
____
The hookah-smoking caterpillar sits upon my nearly-unidentifiable body, smoking –
… the dormouse
… the dormouse
Feed your head
Feed your head
… and I did it exceptionally well
Photo: Jimmy Broccoli.
